How come whenever you are empty in the wort way possible even a small achievement like reading a book or washing the dishes can make you feel very comfortable like you have solved tall the puzzles of the universe.
and you keep telling yourself that you did something really great ,something wonderful and you never think about that you really did. you just say it was great.
The second you start thinking about what really happened is the second you lose the feeling and instead get faced by the worst feeling of failure.
Both feelings are very exaggerated not real in a way.
the question here , shall I keep fouling myself and be happy for it or face the reality and feel like crap!!
Dec 20, 2011
Neurotic me
"If neurotic is wanting two mutually exclusive things at one and the same time, then I'm neurotic as hell. I'll be flying back and forth between one mutually exclusive thing and another for the rest of my days."
-Sylvia Plath
There is always a good reason!
"There's a reason you separate military and the police. One fights the enemies of the state, the other serves and protects the people. When the military becomes both, then the enemies of the state tend to become the people."- Commander William Adama
Nov 24, 2011
Tahrir - Nov. 2011 - Pics
It starts with something very much like this !!
And will definitely end like this!
Nov 7, 2011
The shape of things to come!
A new life awaits me in a matter of days, got a new job and moving to Cairo which I TOTALLY loathe.
it has to be done though, hopeful, doubtful, skeptical and anticipating the days to come.
it has to be done though, hopeful, doubtful, skeptical and anticipating the days to come.
Nov 1, 2011
Irrationality sucks
Confusion never stops, closing walls and ticking clocks.
note to myself:
please dude, fight Irrationality. it will literally get you FUCKED
and you fucken KNOW IT.
Fear
as hope rises, fear also rises.
I hate being disappointed, it kinda breaks me ...
I'm scared, it's not visible to anyone looking at me ,but i'm really scared, from almost everything.
I'm too scared to even hope for something fearing it might actually happens and I won't like it ! or I do ,but i'll end some day ,all things do.
I know it's not logical to think like this, it's kinda silly actually ,but i'm just thinking out loud..
it's really scary to be scared alone ...
I hate being disappointed, it kinda breaks me ...
I'm scared, it's not visible to anyone looking at me ,but i'm really scared, from almost everything.
I'm too scared to even hope for something fearing it might actually happens and I won't like it ! or I do ,but i'll end some day ,all things do.
I know it's not logical to think like this, it's kinda silly actually ,but i'm just thinking out loud..
it's really scary to be scared alone ...
I'm not scared of the dark , I'm scared of what I might see in the light.
Oct 22, 2011
African Proverb
Indecision is like a stepchild: if he does not wash his hands, he is called dirty, if he does, he is wasting water.-- African Proverb
ay kalam
scared, confused, trapped, empty... but is escaping is the real answer? working for me so far.. if i'm still in the same condition then it's not really working ,but again I didn't kill myself so it is ,right!
well, a BIG FAT I DO NOT KNOW .. I thought that comes with confusion!!
well, a BIG FAT I DO NOT KNOW .. I thought that comes with confusion!!
My Friends
I'm very grateful for having this people as my friends, really you guys are what makes this life tolerable.
Oct 16, 2011
Logical confusion and faith
what if things just doesn't add up ?
what if the idea of religion has become opposite to the idea of god himself.
If god almighty is true, juste, absolute, then why does religion say otherwise !!? and if religion says other wise then religion itself is false and hence the god it preaches.
But what if I don't fully understand religion, I'm not a devoted not even practicing religious ,so how can I judge?
do I need to get a little closer?
I do believe!, that's called faith. faith denies Logic. but how can I deny logic if faith is not enough to shut down my brain?
is it faith's job in the first place? shut down our brains?
If not then why don't we get treated like a thinking species ? always given vivid answers and lose ends!
Are we destined to confusion ? it that how we should operate all the time? confused or in a mental shutdown !
I hope I can shut my brain down, will be a lot easier .. specially with those TV dummies in the shape of religious clerks saying UTTER SHIT all fucking day long that it leaves me in total disgust of them and sometimes what they say even if I already believe in it.
I mean for god's sake SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU MAKE GOD LOOK BAD and make me more confused damn it.
I don't know anything anymore , i'm playing the stupid doll part and ignoring everything ,but sometimes -like now- it attacks my head with brute force that I can't think of anything else.
please god, I believe in you, take my hand, guide me, don't leave me like this or I'll lose my way.
what if the idea of religion has become opposite to the idea of god himself.
If god almighty is true, juste, absolute, then why does religion say otherwise !!? and if religion says other wise then religion itself is false and hence the god it preaches.
But what if I don't fully understand religion, I'm not a devoted not even practicing religious ,so how can I judge?
do I need to get a little closer?
I do believe!, that's called faith. faith denies Logic. but how can I deny logic if faith is not enough to shut down my brain?
is it faith's job in the first place? shut down our brains?
If not then why don't we get treated like a thinking species ? always given vivid answers and lose ends!
Are we destined to confusion ? it that how we should operate all the time? confused or in a mental shutdown !
I hope I can shut my brain down, will be a lot easier .. specially with those TV dummies in the shape of religious clerks saying UTTER SHIT all fucking day long that it leaves me in total disgust of them and sometimes what they say even if I already believe in it.
I mean for god's sake SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU MAKE GOD LOOK BAD and make me more confused damn it.
I don't know anything anymore , i'm playing the stupid doll part and ignoring everything ,but sometimes -like now- it attacks my head with brute force that I can't think of anything else.
please god, I believe in you, take my hand, guide me, don't leave me like this or I'll lose my way.
Oct 15, 2011
Faith
Something in the universe loves me. Something in the universe loves the entity that is me. I will choose to call this something, "God." A singular spark that dwells in the soul of every living being. If you look inside yourself, you will find this spark too. You will. But you have to look deep. Love your faults. Embrace them. If God embraces them, then how can they be faults? Love yourself. You have to love yourself. If we don't love ourselves, how can we love others? And when we know what we are, then we can find the truth about others, see what they are, the truth about them. And you know what the truth is, the truth about them, about you, about me. Do you? The truth is we are all perfect. Just as we are. God only loves that which is perfect, and he loves you. He loves you because you are perfect. You are perfect just as you are.--Dr. Gaius Baltar
Oct 14, 2011
Simple explanations
It's naive to believe that horrible things that we can't understand have simple explanations because simple explanations make us feel like we have control when we don't.--Laura Roslin - BSG
Oct 12, 2011
International Suicide Prevention Directory
The International Suicide Prevention Wiki (ISP Wiki) is a worldwide directory of suicide prevention hotlines, text-lines, and resources. The ISP Wiki is open source to be used by any individual or organization. This directory was created for the PostSecret App and may be used freely in other apps to instantly connect people in need to crisis centers near them. Special thanks to the Founding Sponsors of the ISP Wiki and to the PostSecret Community, who assembled, edited, and continually update this database. -- Frank Warren, Founder, PostSecretTOO BAD THERE IS NO LINE FOR EGYPT .... would have been a really helpful idea though.
Limitation !
I can never read all the books I want; I can never be all the people I want and live all the lives I want. I can never train myself in all the skills I want. And why do I want? I want to live and feel all the shades, tones and variations of mental and physical experience possible in life. And I am horribly limited.-Sylvia Plath
how to keep your faith !
when logical problems face your faith in a way you can't explain or work with , e3mel nafsak 3abeet- A personal proverb
Oct 8, 2011
Cement with airbags and seatbelts
There comes a time in life where everything seems narrow. Choices have been made. I can only continue on. I know myself like the back of my hand. I can predict my every reaction. My life has been cast in cement with airbags and seatbelts. I've done everything to reach this point and now that I'm here, I'm fucking bored. The hardest thing is knowing whether I'm still alive.
Chronic Indecision
chronic indecision: A constantly reocurring or persistent inability to make up one's mind; perpetual doubt concerning two or more possible alternatives or courses of action.It seems that the more you think, your ability to make a choice decreases dramatically.
See, if you think too much you will start analyzing alternative possibilities and advantages and disadvantages of every choice. and that only complecate things even more, what do I want in life ? should I be an Engineer? should I learn programming and be a programmer? should I work as a photographer? or may be open a wood crafts workshop!!
But wait every single one of those means I'll not be able to do the rest, true it will generate money that will allow me to do stuff that makes me happy -don't know those yet- ,but who says which is better ? and what if I made a wrong choice? what if all worked out and i'm still not happy ? there is no guarantees of any kind about anything, how can I chose then !!
The simple question is What the hell am I supposed to do now ? and Why?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)